Week 4 - Book 1

Finding Them, Keeping them by Gary McIntosh and Glen Martin

While the title of this book intrigued me, I was a bit hesitant to read it as it was published in 1992. Afraid the material would be dated, I was surprised to find how much was still relevant. Granted some of the images used were dated, like trying to program a VCR, the relative newness of computers, just to name a few; on the first page the authors laid a truth that's timeless. "People are looking! Looking for God, looking for supportive relationships with others who love and care for them. The thrust of this book: Finding those who are looking for God and keeping those who are looking for relationships."

I know what some of you are already thinking, a book on evangelism. You're right. That is exactly what this book discusses in no uncertain terms. However, one interesting note the authors make, is that no matter how important evangelism is, unless you help someone to deepen their relationship with God, and the community, their newfound faith will soon wither; and as it does, they will look for ways to gracefully, or not so gracefully exit through one of the church's back doors. Again, this author is not talking about the physical doors of the building, but the ones that exist as a result of a community's inability to develop friendships and help guests truly become part of the community.

Back doors such as these have been discussed in other readings I have reviewed. There are other back doors, those opened by death and transfer for instance, but the two above are ones that most parishes can do something about. Getting people in the door, the authors say, is only a matter of effort; it is keeping them coming back that is the hard part. One tool the authors encourage is something called 'Friend Day', a service or event everyone strives to invite at least one friend to. These are great, and if the experience is great enough, they come back again. But what happens when the experience they had at the special event is not what they find in the day to day life of the community? That too is a problem.

The way guests are welcomed and then included is the same challenge today as when this book was written. People are still looking for relationships, people are still looking for meaning in their life, and people still want to know what they do has meaning also. For this reason, the authors are less concerned about the door greeters, the ushers, even the quality of coffee hours, although all these are important, but on helping people build friendships. It is only through friendships and relationships that people move from outsiders, to insiders, to fully participative members. In chapter six, the author delves deeper into the levels of inclusion pointing out that until someone is in relationship, with God, with Christ, with those they worship with, there is not a sense of belonging or accountability. Once relationships are forms, there is commitment to the shared work of the community.

To build relationships, the author has many different suggestions on ways to go about doing so. The key, is that whatever is done, must be intentional, and genuine. People can tell when something is superficial and once identified as such, it taints the rest of what is being done to such a degree, that people will begin to look for one of the back doors that exist. One suggestion, that is still very relevant in relationship building today, is small group ministries. We have some at CHS, but most are intended to accomplish a task. What the authors intend are groups that have purpose beyond just the needs of a particular ministry, but groups that develop bonds between its members and helps them discover and explore the possibilities that exist, both inside and outside the church.

This book would make a great group study as it offers thought provoking exercises at the end of each chapter intended to help the reader discern what they are doing, and what they might do, to invite, welcome, and help build the body of Christ, all the while deepening relationships between ourselves, others, and God.